self-develop

Crucial Conversations- Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

  1. Safety First “important that everyone involved in the conversation feels safe. Look for signs of fear and bring the conversation back to safety.””

  2. Let the Facts Lead “stick to the facts during a crucial conversation. …Get back to the facts. Abandon your absolute certainty by distinguishing between hard facts and your invented story.”

  3. Look Within “ key is having an open dialogue, and to do so you must start with yourself. …There is not much you can do to change others, but there is much you can do to change yourself.”

  4. Find Mutual Purpose “ necessary to find mutual purpose. This means being genuine when looking for a common goal and honestly working to achieve the shared goal instead of manipulating or leading toward a personally desired outcome… Mutual purpose means that others perceive that you’re working toward a common outcome in a conversation, that you care about their goals, interests, and values. And vice versa.”

The more you care about an issue, the less likely you are to be on your best behavior. As a leader or a person in a relationship, you must learn this well.

  1. Curiosity is Key “common for people to either shut down and walk away or react with anger. … important to become curious. Ask questions and find out why they are feeling the way they are. Be sincere when trying to get to the source of their anger or denial.

  2. Watch Your Words “…have to approach crucial matters with purpose. Turning to sarcasm, humor, or negative body language instead of engaging in dialogue is not productive.”

Speaking in absolute and overstated terms does not increase your influence, it decreases it.

  1. What You Say vs. What They Hear “ often a gap exists between what we say, what we mean, and how someone else perceives what was said. “

“blend confidence with humility. Be confident enough to state opinions and facts, but also be open to accept a challenge.”

  1. My Way or The Highway “ always many options in dialogue… Watch to see if you’re telling yourself that you must choose between peace and honesty, between winning and losing, and so on. Break free of these Fool’s Choices by searching for the and.”

  2. Listen Up! Ask, mirror, paraphrase, and prime. In conversations, if we give the impression that something has been decided or that we aren’t open to suggestions, we will kill discussion.

  3. Self-Assess for Success becoming a vigilant self-monitor is important to dialogue. Make sure to frequently step out of the discussion and evaluate your own actions and reactions. Then evaluate how others are reacting to you and adjust your behavior to return to the common goal.

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